I'm bad at this blogging thing. I'm a stay at home mom I
really don't have anything interesting going on. My husband is amazing and my daughter is always growing and learning new things. So I find myself thinking more about what was rather than what is. Once I had a larger family? relatives? I don't know. Dysfunctional is putting it lightly but I'm free of that now and it feels amazing. The innocent children that got lost in the decision to walk away I do miss a lot. I think of them often and some of them are not really children anymore and I miss being in their lives. I guess that's normal right? When we were young and innocent we were family. I just grew up. Life doesn't give you a choice on that, there is no turning back the clock to what you wish you didn't know. But I'm older now, wiser too but still learning. I have learned that my family (my husband and daughter) are the most important thing to me. I would do anything to protect my daughter and so I walked away. No looking back, no regrets. And wouldn't you? I mean look at this face. This face so innocent and curious about life. And she trusts me, okay really she trusts just about everybody. She's got this amazing instinct about people. But she really trusts me. You see I'm her mommy. She's the only one that knows what my heart beat sounds like from the inside and I'm the only one that knows every little thing about her. I know when a whine means, I'm hurt, I'm scared, I'm hungry, I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm stuck, I'm tired... The list goes on, mostly because she's a trouble maker ;) Would you do anything for her? I did. And although I have no regrets I still have a longing for the cousins that I love to the bottom of my heart and back. But this little girl, she owns my heart inside and out. It's is for her protection that I can't go back, I won't go back. The innocence of a child is something that is shamefully not always protected. When I became a mom it became my responsibility to protect her innocence no matter what. It is something I cherish more than my own life so I continue on this path that I chose for us and if I ever have doubts her daddy is there to tell me to look forward and keep going. To encourage me in my decision and firmly tell me no when I falter. I know this is so very vague but for now it has to be. Some day I'll write a novel. lol.
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really don't have anything interesting going on. My husband is amazing and my daughter is always growing and learning new things. So I find myself thinking more about what was rather than what is. Once I had a larger family? relatives? I don't know. Dysfunctional is putting it lightly but I'm free of that now and it feels amazing. The innocent children that got lost in the decision to walk away I do miss a lot. I think of them often and some of them are not really children anymore and I miss being in their lives. I guess that's normal right? When we were young and innocent we were family. I just grew up. Life doesn't give you a choice on that, there is no turning back the clock to what you wish you didn't know. But I'm older now, wiser too but still learning. I have learned that my family (my husband and daughter) are the most important thing to me. I would do anything to protect my daughter and so I walked away. No looking back, no regrets. And wouldn't you? I mean look at this face. This face so innocent and curious about life. And she trusts me, okay really she trusts just about everybody. She's got this amazing instinct about people. But she really trusts me. You see I'm her mommy. She's the only one that knows what my heart beat sounds like from the inside and I'm the only one that knows every little thing about her. I know when a whine means, I'm hurt, I'm scared, I'm hungry, I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm stuck, I'm tired... The list goes on, mostly because she's a trouble maker ;) Would you do anything for her? I did. And although I have no regrets I still have a longing for the cousins that I love to the bottom of my heart and back. But this little girl, she owns my heart inside and out. It's is for her protection that I can't go back, I won't go back. The innocence of a child is something that is shamefully not always protected. When I became a mom it became my responsibility to protect her innocence no matter what. It is something I cherish more than my own life so I continue on this path that I chose for us and if I ever have doubts her daddy is there to tell me to look forward and keep going. To encourage me in my decision and firmly tell me no when I falter. I know this is so very vague but for now it has to be. Some day I'll write a novel. lol.
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